Fire & Rain
by Meganlovesjb
Summary: "Like fire & rain, you can drive me insane, but I can't stay mad at you for anything." - Joe Jonas & Demi Lovato.  A Jemi one shot.


_**Fire & Rain**_

"_Like fire & Rain, you can drive me insane, but I can't stay mad at you for anything." –Joe Jonas & Demi Lovato._

"Demi, you're next for sound check. Five minutes," I heard someone call as I sat staring aimlessly at my blackberry in a room backstage.

This was it.

I nodded, standing and bracing myself for the moment when I would inevitably have to see that face again—his face. I'd somehow managed to avoid him, all of them, this far. I knew now though that there was no more hiding. This tour was going to last the entire summer and well into the fall; there would be no more hiding, and no more weakness. I had to suck it up like a big girl and get out there. I had to face him. I could face him. _Maybe._

Unfortunately, all the internal pep talks in the world still weren't enough to prepare me for the instant when I rounded the corner to see him standing before me. Seeing Joe in person is an experience entirely different from seeing his picture everywhere. He never ceased to take my breath or make my heart ache.

As I inched closer to the stage my heart skipped a beat. You'd think after being his best friend for like four years I would get used to it, but his utter beauty never ceased to amaze me, or set off the butterflies in my stomach.

I watched him set the mic back in its rightful place on the stand before turning to exit the stage. His gaze met mine, where I stood hovering at the edge of the stage, watching him and unable to tear my eyes from his. My heart broke once again as I saw the small hopeful smile tug on his lips as he made his way towards me. I saw Nick and Kevin shoot each other a look in my peripheral vision before they disappeared from sight. He walked towards me slowly and my heart beat quickened.

"Hey," he said softly, stuffing his hands in his front pockets as I struggled to stop fumbling with the hem of my shirt.

"Hi," I mumbled stupidly. I glanced past him and out to the empty seats, anywhere but his eyes, those beautiful eyes.

"How have you been?" He pressed and I tore my gaze from a seemingly interesting chair and attempted to casually glance back at him.

"Fine," I was anything but fine, but he couldn't know that. He couldn't know how much he'd broken me, hurt me—crushed me. "Excited to be back on stage," I offered a smile that I knew he could see right through.

"You?" He shrugged with an air of nonchalance. "Good," he said, shifting on his feet awkwardly.

There was a long pause. "Demi," he rubbed the back of his neck nervously before glancing at me for another long moment, just watching me. I averted my gaze as well as I possibly could without seeming rude.

He sighed. "It's good to see you again," he finally offered.

I nodded, chewing on my bottom lip in an attempt to keep my emotions in check. I wouldn't let myself lose control. Not here. Not now. Not in front of him. But something about that way he said my name sent a tidal wave of emotions coursing through my body. The word flowed so perfectly from his lips. The softness of his tone as he said it sent unwanted memories pulsating through me before I could truly stop them.

* * *

"_Hey babe," I smiled as I opened the door, eager to be near him. _

_He gave me a small smile, a distant look in his eyes that made me uneasy but I shrugged it off. I grabbed his hand and pulled him in for a peck before dragging him into the living room of my currently vacant house, the family was out. _

"_I picked up this movie, I thought we could watch it," I said cheerfully, tugging him down onto the couch with me. I snuggled into his form, whispering that I loved him as I wrapped my arms around his torso. I'd missed seeing him, he'd been filming so much lately that we'd hardly seen each other the past few weeks. I was content to just lie in his arms, being with him for a few moments. _

_My brow furrowed in confusion however when I realized that he wasn't reacting to me. He wasn't wrapping his arms around me like he usually did, he didn't kiss my temple and whisper he loved me back and that he'd missed me, and when I gazed up at his eyes once again, I saw pain and hesitation in them._

"_Actually, Dem," he said softly. "We need to talk," his tone was sad. He stiffened against mine, he was not relaxed, and he was not content. He was nervous. _

"_Okay," I said softly, my heart dropping. I knew this wasn't good; the vibe he was sending was not a good one. We'd been best friends for years; I could read him very well._

_He was quiet for a long moment and my nerves peaked. "I think maybe we're moving a little too fast, you know, with everything," he said softly as I shifted on the couch, sitting up fully so that I was facing him, as he did the same. He grabbed my hands gently as his eyes held mine. _

"_Umm," I pulled my hand from his as I averted my gaze, suddenly finding the wall a very interesting shade of beige. "How exactly are we moving too fast?" _

"_Demi," he whispered. "I love you," he sighed softly. "But we've only been together a few short months and the way you act sometimes it's like you see us getting married or something," he whispered. An ache shot through my heart and tore through my body. _

"_And you don't see us going there...one day? You don't see a future with us?" I choked, breathing quickly._

"_I...I'm 21," he whispered reaching foe my hand again but I flinched away. _

"_Let me get this straight," I said taking a deep breath before forcing myself to meet his eyes once more. _

"_You're breaking up with me, because I love you _too _much? Because I'm too in love with you?" I blinked fast. _

"_I..." he was silent for a moment, his eye brows furrowing in concentration. He didn't want to slow down or take a break; he just wanted to end it. He wasn't making sense. _

_When I glanced back up at him the confusion in his expression matched mine. _

"_I don't know...I, I mean we're really good friends and I don't want to ruin this you know? I don't want to fall too fast, maybe it's best if we stop this before we both get in too deep and who knows what's going to happen..."_

"_You don't know?" I stared at him dumbfounded. "Joe, I've already gotten in too deep. I'm in so deep I can't see the surface. I am completely committed to us and I don't understand why you're doing this. I just...I don't understand," my frustration and confusion took hold of me as the first of the tears that had been stinging my eyes spilled over. _

_I met Joe's eyes and they instantly softened. His face filled with sympathy as he watched me with a pained expression. I swatted at my tears furiously but they were quickly replaced with fresh ones. _

"_What did I do? What can I do to make you change your mind? This can't just be over," I begged, not caring how utterly pathetic I sounded. "I just...don't...understand," I repeated. He shot me a fleeting look and I understood that he didn't fully understand either. _

"_I love you," I offered. "No one has ever made me happier and I don't want to lose you," I scotched closer to him, taking his hands this time. _

"_I'm sorry," he breathed, reaching forward to brush my hair back from my face gently. His touch left my heart aching. He wiped at my tears with his thumbs gently. "I love you, Dem. You'll always be my best friend but... I'm not ready for forever yet and when I'm with you it's the only place I see us going," he whispered._

_I racked my brain trying to understand what he was saying, why these things were bad things. All I could do was shake my head furiously as I tried to blink my tears away. He reached forward and pulled me into his chest gently. I tried to pull away but he held firm and moments later I found myself collapsing in his arms, resolved to let my heart shatter while he held me, the man that broke it in the first place. I placed my head on his chest and cried softly. Joe had always been there for me, always the crying shoulder, and as upset as I was with him at the moment, it still felt right._

_He ran his hands through my hair soothingly. "I never meant to hurt you," he whispered, placing a gently kiss to my temple. "That was the last thing I ever wanted...the thing I feared most going into this," he admitted. _

"_Then why did you?" I pleaded, gripping his shirt tightly, my make up undoubtedly ruining it._

_There was a long moment of silence. "I'm sorry," he whispered again. _

"_God, I hate seeing you cry," he breathed. I said nothing just cried as he held me. I wanted him, I never wanted him to let go. I couldn't stand the thought of him leaving and never holding me again, never kissing me, never looking at me like I was everything. My heart ached again as I clung to him tighter, fisting his shirt. _

"_Don't go," I whispered. "I don't want you to," I persisted._

"_Demi," he whispered and if I didn't know better I would have sworn I heard his voice crack on the word. _

"_I'm sorry. I have to go," he said gently prying me off of him. "I'm sorry," he repeated. Before standing and shooting me one last fleeting look of pity. I grasped onto the back of the couch for support as I gazed up at him through my racoon, tear stained eyes. _

_He winced before leaning down to press one last kiss on my forehead. A too brief moment later he turned and walked out the door, leaving me on my couch with a broken heart and an empty soul. _

_

* * *

_

"Demi!" A man screamed my name and I flinched, pulling myself back to reality and turning to meet his eyes. "You're on!" He huffed. "We only have so much time to do the sound check before make up and wardrobe, this is the first show."

"Sorry," I mumbled. I usually wouldn't take that attitude from someone but I'd seemingly lost the will to fight lately.

I turned to face Joe once again. He stood there, eyeing me curiously, seemingly watching my every move.

"I... have to go," I whispered, tearing my eyes from his face before rushing to the center of the stage. I glanced around in a daze to make sure my band was in place before turning to face the empty ampatheatre before me.

"Did you forget..." I started singing, the words hitting me hard. "That I was even alive? Did you forget, everything we ever had, did you forget, about me?" The words I'd once written about a past relationship, that now seemed inconsequential, took a whole new meaning and I found myself fighting to stay in control of my emotions.

"Do you regret, ever standing by my side? Did you forget, what we were feeling inside? Now I'm left to forget about us. But somewhere we went wrong; we were once so strong..." I felt my eyes stinging and I realized that I had to stop before the entire crew and my band saw me breakdown for no apparent reason. I suddenly turned, moving my hand back and forth giving the "cut "signal.

"Uh... did that sound okay?" I asked quickly, trying to avoid eye contact with everyone and anyone.

"Yeah," someone answered from the back of the stage. "But we have to run a more upbeat song as well as—"

"No," I cut him off. "It'll be fine. It's always fine. Use the same settings as last year, it will sound fine. I have to go," I insisted quickly, before blinking quickly and exiting the stage.

I felt the too familiar burn in the back of my eyes and headed for the exit on my right. Before I could make it there however, I saw the flash of a familiar jacket duck down the hallway in my peripheral vision. It was then that I realized he'd seen the whole thing.

I cursed myself, balling my fists and fighting back the already flowing tears as I fought my way through the mostly deserted hallway, until I found my room. I slammed the door shut behind me and took a seat on the couch. I looked around to make sure I was alone, knowing I would only have about an hour before make up came in and I started preparations for the show.

I sighed heavily, resting my head in my hands and tugging on my hair furiously. I hated that I was still hopelessly in love with that boy and that I let him get to me so much. I hated how weak I'd become—how weak he'd made me. No one had ever broken me so far.

The smiles and laughs were for the camera, but whenever I had a moment alone, it seemed all I did was cry. So much so that the mere sensation of crying began to remind me of him. I hated myself for who I'd become. I hated that I'd fallen so hard so fast, finally letting myself engage in the head over heels relationship that I had been so hesitant to allow before. Because I knew Joe was safe, that Joe would never hurt me. I'd truly opened myself up to him. He'd seen every good thing and every bad thing about me. I gave him everything. I gave him my whole heart and he shattered it into unrepeatable pieces.

We weren't just Hollywood's hottest couple or whatever the magazines labelled us as. We weren't just "Jemi." He was everything to me, my best friend, the love of my life and I knew in that moment that I would never feel so deeply about another person again.

I swatted at the tears that were falling from my eyes like a heavy rain I was powerless to stop, once again destroying my makeup and making my eyes puffy as I breathed deeply trying to regain some sense of control. I'd been failing for a good five minutes at this when I heard a soft knock on the door.

I took a deep breath and steadied myself, stealing a moment to regain as much control as I could before walking to the door and turning the knob. The face I saw on the other side however, had my head hanging in shame as I averted his gave the best I could.

"Demi," he whispered, stepping into the room and shutting the door quietly behind him. Once again, listening to my name flow from his lips like a caress had tears falling harder than they were before. I bit my lip and stared at the ground, refusing to make eye contact. I folded my arms over my chest protectively and backed away from him, moving to stand against the back wall.

He kept hurting me, kept coming back. Every time I saw his face it was like my heart was breaking and he didn't even realize he was doing it. I wished he would go away and never come back, but at the same time, half of me wanted him with me all the time.

"I'm sorry," he whispered the words as he walked towards me slowly stopping just in front of me. I stared at his shoes and I breathed deeply, trying to stifle my silent sobs.

"Stop saying that," I demanded.

"I hate seeing you like this," his voice broke as he spoke. He reached forward, cupping my chin gently and raising it so I was forced to meet his gaze. The pity and pain in his expression made me wince. He gently swept my hair from my face. "When you cry it breaks my heart," he breathed. I also hated looking this weak in front of him.

"Now you know how it feels then," I whispered back, not quite angry, but with a sadness in my tone I almost didn't recognize.

"God, I never meant to hurt you like this...I—"

"But you did," I said. "You broke me, destroyed me actually. I've never hurt so much in my life. I haven't slept without crying myself into exhaustion. I ache for you and everything we were. I love you and I don't understand why!" It always came back to this. Why. I'd never really grasped his reasoning. It seemed to me that things were going well. Nothing was awkward with us, nothing missing in our relationship. I only saw us growing stronger together and I needed to know what it was that he saw that made him end it.

There was a long pause and I saw the resolve flash across his features.

"Because I was scared," he said the words so quietly I almost didn't hear them.

"What?" I breathed, my eyes widening at the sudden admission.

I studied his face, his jaw was ridged, his expression fierce yet pained. "I...," there was a short pause where I saw a hundred different emotions flash across his face. "You scare me."

I could do nothing but stare at him. "I fell so hard and so fast for you. Everything was right. We were so right, and like I said...when I looked at you, all I could think was forever. It scared me. I figured I was young; this couldn't be it for me. I wasn't ready for that yet. You were so perfect for me, we were so right, that it scared me. I'd never been in so deep and I wasn't used to it. You know me, I like to keep things light and fun but I couldn't with you. I," he was struggling to find the words, confusion and frustration flashing through his eyes as he stared at the wall to the left for a long moment before returning his gaze to mine. "Because I could see how fast you were falling and I knew I was too and I...this is probably making absolutely no sense to you...I just..."

"I understand," I whispered. He stared at me curiously. "It scared me too, Joe. The idea of giving myself to someone so deeply, setting myself up to get crushed and broken once again scared the shit out of me, but I moved past it. I moved past it because I loved you so much and I knew, with everything in me that you wouldn't hurt me. That I could give myself to you one hundred percent because we were so right. I took the risk because I knew it would be worth it with you."

"And I only hurt you more because of it," he whispered. He reached forward to cup my cheek gently and despite myself I leaned into the touch, closing my eyes at the sensation.

"I am such an idiot," he whispered.

"I Demi, I made a huge mistake, and I know that now. I love you, I do and I'm ready to lose myself in you, to give you everything, to open myself up and let you break my heart if you want because I do love you, so much. I am ready to be with you, and I want to so badly. I want you back," he admitted. "If you'll have me, I want everything with you again. Christ, I love you and I am so sorry," he whispered, brushing his thumb under my eyes to push the tears and make up away.

I glanced up at him, my heart pounding a million miles a minute. "I...don't know," I whispered. "You hurt me, so badly, Joe," I admitted.

"How do I know you're not going to flake out again? How can I trust you?" I needed an honest answer.

"Because I love you, and I want you to be happy. You can say no, and I will let you go. I'll watch you sing every night and my heart will ache for you, the way it has these past few months. I can let you go if that's what you want, but I don't want to," he admitted, stepping even closer to me. I could feel his breath hot on my skin. He glanced down at me once again like I was his everything and my heart ached for him in a whole new way.

"So beautiful," he whispered, looking at my puffy eyes and my tear stained face, my dark makeup undoubtedly running down it.

"You can't tell me you don't want this," he breathed, moving his hand to my waist and pulling me flush against him. I did. My breath hitched. He leaned forward so our lips were just inches apart, his breath heavy on my skin. He played with the hem of my shirt absentmindedly on my back and his other hand reached forward to cup my face gently. Our eyes closed but he did not move. He was giving me a choice. Misery or love.

As I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his, reigniting the fire within us, I realized love was the only choice. Because even through the heart ache and confusion, it's moments like this that make everything worth while. Joe Jonas was always worth the risk for me, always had been and always would be.

**Hope you liked it, comments mean the world to me !**


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